Q. Who or what do you find funny?
A. The U.S. government. Also dogs.

Q. What is the strangest thing you ever did to get material for a column or book?
A. I guess setting fire to a pair of underpants with a sparking Barbie doll.
-Dave Barry

also you can read his funny blog here: http://davebarry.blogspot.com/

"Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot."

"If you tell a joke in the forest and nobody laughs, was it a joke?"

"Chitlins? That's pig intestines! That includes the lower tract. Ain't no food down in that area. Chitlins--I think somebody misspelled that word."

Bill Cosby

"Marge, I agree with you -- in theory. In theory, communism works. In theory."

H. Simpson

"You never know when an old calendar might come in handy. Sure, it's not 1985 right now, but who knows what tommorow will bring. And these TV Guides, so many memories. Gomer upset's Sgt. Carter. I'll never forget that episode."

"And how is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?"

"This perpetual motion machine she made is a joke: It just keeps going faster and faster. Lisa, get in here! In this house, we obey the laws of THERMODYNAMICS!"

"What are you gonna do? Sick your dogs on me? Or your bees? Or dogs with bees in their mouth so when they bark they shoot bees at me?"

"Well, crying isn't gonna bring him back...unless your tears smell like dog food. So you can either sit there crying and eating can after can of dog food until your tears smell enough like dog food to make your dog come back or you can go out there and find your dog."

H. Simpson

"I discovered a meal between breakfast and brunch."

H. Simpson

"America's health care system is second only to Japan... Canada, Sweden, Great Britain, ... well all of Europe. But you can thank your lucky stars we don't live in Paraguay!"

H. Simpson

"I never made a mistake in my life; at least, never one that I couldn't explain away afterwards."
Rudyard Kipling

"Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem.Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash."
Jerry Seinfeld.

I believe that it is our (inclusive) duty to fill the world with witty quips, quotes, heady metaphors and the like. Please. Do Your Part.

rpm

no and i'm so glad something else was up here this time- that story was great but got really old after i saw it 57 times. You might wonder, "Colleen, why didn't you post something?" The answer is... I have no idea. :)

alright, I know that I can't ask anyone else to post if I don't. but, then again, am I the only person freaking reading this?

Am I....